Impact Of Ppdg On Therapeutic Practice

On reflection to my experiences within the Personal and Professional Development Group Year Three and Four (PPDG) (Rose, 2008) (See Appendices 1-60); I felt encouraged to engage with clay therapy to help reconnecting with the profound transformations, which arose within me through the PPDG experiences and continue to take their effects throughout my professional and personal life (Rogers, 1993; Rose, 2008) (See Appendix 5). I closed my eyes to capture the felt sense within my body (Van der Kolk, 2014). Over the course of time, I noticed being more in touch with my body sensations emerging throughout the PPDG process (Gendlin, 1998; Beisser, 1970) (See Appendices, 6, 7, 15, 17, 18, 27, 29, 20, 22, 41, 55, 58). This has become a significant aspect and way of working within my counselling role, whereby I use my personal characteristics to engage with and help to make sense of the therapeutic process (Wosket, 2001; BACP, 2019) (See Appendices 14, 15, 17, 18, 39, 58). Wosket (2001) argued that, ‘Psychotherapy succeeds best when the therapist himself participates deeply as a human being’ (Wosket, 2001, p. 50).

Within session sixteen, I felt tension in my shoulder, as I sat next to member O. I noticed what appeared to me as anxiety expressed so intensely by O, which it appeared to create physical discomfort in me (Van der Kolk, 2014) (See Appendix 42). There was something powerful about this, impacting me with a sense of oppressiveness (Brown, 2009). I contemplated using immediacy to acknowledge what I was noticing and to reach out to O but considered that, O may not have wanted attention brought to their discomfort (Mearns and Thorne, 2007) (See Appendix 42). I connect this to how I focus on creating a respectful and safe therapeutic space, where I can establish trust and make the process sensitive (Clarkson, 1995). I was mindful that the group process may not have been safe enough for O due to their conflict with member K (Rose, 2008). However, I agree with Shapiro (1970, quoted in Yalom, 1970, p. 88) who argued that, ‘therapy without manipulation is a mirage which disappears on close scrutiny’ (Yalom, 1970, p.88). I also became aware that, I did want to become a rescuer (Karpman, 2015). Yet, my journal stated, ‘I felt a rescuer tendency within me’ (See Appendix 42). The facilitator (G) appeared to keep a watchful eye on O, which was assuring. What I observed in O throughout the entire PPDG course process I recognised as having created a divide and disconnection in my relationship with O and within the PPDG process; as well as an incongruence in me to how I could offer the core conditions (Barker, et al, 2010) (See Appendix 3, 53). I noticed a lack of empathy in how I could respond in my concern to perceiving the anxiety (NICE, 2011). Furthermore, noticing my pessimism which resembled a psychodynamic view (Jacobs, 2017)

However, when O shared their process with the group (See Appendices 22, 43), I noticed my unconditional positive regard (UPR), that appeared to override behaviours that did not agree with my own frame of reference and brought me closer to O with a sense of warmth (Bozarth and Wilkins, 2001) (see Appendices, 42, 43). This appeared to be an important part of my process, whereby I initially could become separated from group members by noticing disagreements with behaviours which I struggled to relate to, for example, what appeared to me as disturbing themes in Year 3 with member F (Yalom, 1970) (see Appendix 52). Trusting in the PPDG process and believing in the Humanistic principles, I was hopeful that F could work through their difficulties by taking responsibility for their actions and in year 4 this became evident (See Appendix 60). My disapproval towards Freduced, and I began to feel warmth and acceptance due to a better understanding to their conditions of worth allowed me to let down of my own defences towards F as they appeared less defensive towards G. Corey et al (2016) argued that, ‘As with most of our defences, hostility provides a barrier that protects us’ (Corey et al, 2016, p. 245).

I gained better understanding to how F may experience their world (Rogers, 1961) (See Appendix 3). Levinas (1969) argued that, ‘It is a non-allergic reaction with alterity’ (Levinas, 1969, p.47). Furthermore, the British Association for Counselling Professions (BACP) state: ‘Respect for the client’s right to be self-governing’ (BACP, 2018).I became aware of what attachment styles my peers may have and how he or she may engage in the outside world (Bowlby, 2008). Wheelan (2005) found that, ‘Groups engaged with internal conflict or those that develop isolationist norms will have difficulty managing their relationships with the outside’ (Wheelan, 2005, p. 127).

This experience has further developed my focus on my client with looking at the whole person and not predominantly on the presenting problem, as this can raise conflict to my Humanistic values and without collaboration with the client these can become ambiguous (Whitton, 2003) (See Appendix 3). Through the PPDG experiences I have noticed myself being more curious in understanding the behaviours of my clients, if these appear to me as I observed within the PPDG and as repeating dynamics and ‘by activating a negative response from both leaders and members’ (p. 245).

Through this experience, my evaluation is now more focused on being curious to understand the client rather than the problem, which also reduces any risk to myself becoming defensive and allows me to stay in contact with the client (Rowan, 1993). Corey et al., (2016) argued that, ‘As with most of our defences, hostility provides a barrier that protects us’ (Corey et al, 2016, p. 245).

As sessions progressed, I became aware of the process of peers sharing their processes, which allowed for the deepening and understanding of my relationships with peers and for the Humanistic principles to intensify (Schneider, et al., 2015). Accordingly, this became a cathartic experience, which I consider as most valuable (Thorne, 2008) (See Appendix 56). Consequently, it promotes anti-oppressive practice (Lago and Smith, 2010).

I recognise how these attitudes have developed more deeply through the witnessing of human experience and engaging in the complexities within the diversity of the PPDG process (Rose, 2008; Braud and Anderson, 2007). I link this to my counselling role in how I have become aware of how UPR has developed as an attitude within me towards clients, and I believe that the PPDG experiences have enriched my understanding and acceptance of individuals behaviours and attitudes which also acted as a mirror that reflected my own lived adversity, life script, ego states, which all brought further insight to my organismic valuing process and sense of self (Barker, et al, 2010). Thus, further developing my Humanistic theoretical position and understanding of myself and others (Yalom, 1970; Rogers, 1961) (See Appendices 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 22, 27, 28, 29, 51, 53, 54, 55, 56, 58). I comprehend this learning as empowering and an enhanced way of feeling more at peace with myself and others (ibid).

Additionally, having experienced acceptance as well as not feeling accepted within the PPDG, has strengthened my resilience and ability to develop and offer UPR within my professional practice (see Appendices 6, 15, 17, 18, 24, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 37, 38, 39, 43, 44, 45, 51, 53, 54, 55). Rogers (1959, quoted in Iberg, n.d. p. 155) argued that: ‘It is the opposite pole from a selective evaluating attitude’ (p.155). Through a process of relating in being open to my feeling’s moment by moment, taking risks, supporting others and being supported, being confronted and challenging others, moments of distress, avoiding and bridging distances and any awareness of my bodily reactions, I noticed my imminent attitude of ‘willingness to engage in critical self-examination and expression of conflict and affection’ (Yalom, 1970, p. 84) (See Appendices 7, 8, 12, 14, 15, 17, 18, 21, 23, 30, 44, 46, 47,48, 58, 59).

I conclude that, regardless to actions/behaviours of group members that may differ from my opinion, which was evident to me, I developed a warmth and acceptance and feel UPR towards each PPDG member (Rogers, 1969). An attitude I could not just stick on before entering each session, but instead I recognise as a continued process that feels inbuilt. I trust that this will continue to develop within my professional and personal life. I agree with Bozarth and Wilkins (2001) that, ‘When I can be firm in my convictions and leave room for the other’s, I am learning to live unconditional positive regard in a wide range of relationships’ (Bozarth and Wilkins, 2001, p. 75). Although this learning did not come without uncertainty and struggle (see Appendices 6, 8, 15, 18, 23, 32, 33, 39, 40, 41,43, 46, 52, 53, 55, 59, 58, 60).

I found the PPDG process can trigger feelings that rubber banded me back to past trauma (see Appendix 32). At times, a powerful, challenging and painful experience (Appendices 1-60). Stewart and Joines (2002) argued that, ‘Phenomenological validation only occurs if the individual can re-experience the whole ego state in full intensity with little weathering’ (Stewart and Joines, 2002, p. 45).

Throughout my PPDG journey, I recognised and felt impacted by the avoidance and limitations to how I interacted within moments of struggle; my desire to find safety to enable me to be seen, heard and accepted enough to reach out, and to hear and accept others equally, this became an emotional experience with incredible learning and healing (see Appendices I, 3, 4, 5, 9, 10, 12, 13, 20, 22, 30, 31, 58, 59) (Rose, 2008; Rogers, 2015). Similarly, my own anxieties and how these present physically within the PPDG have contributed to my awareness and insight within my counselling role by heightening my self-awareness (Corey, et al, 2016). Accordingly, any bodily reactions within myself and how the client may communicate this (Wosket, 2001).

I also learnt to communicate how this may be presenting and often shared my process, including occasional metaphoric language (Gordon, 1978) (See Appendix 26, 39). This has strengthened the way I encourage my client to explore how he or she is feeling, because I have become more confident in myself to recognise and communicate this if it feels of therapeutic use (Wosket, 2001) (See Appendices, 31, 32, 38, 40, 14, 17, 46, 58, 59). A process that has been encouraged by G and I felt praised and accepted when doing so (See Appendix 49). This has also increased my confidence in how I support my clients and encourage relational depth (Mearns and Thorne, 2007).

Accordingly, I am less reactive to any psychological issues that may appear concerning to me and am calmer in myself (Freeth, 2007). I believe this offers the client a sense of calmness to help him or her regulate and reduce any difficult feelings/responses. Whereas, previously I was more concerned with and may have become reactive to presenting issues that may appear of instability (ibid). Corey et al., (2016) argued that, ‘We step into our roles as therapists to serve our clients and to help them resolve conflicts, heal, and grow in the ways that are most congruent’ (Corey, et al, 2016, p.81). I am less likely to jump into ‘rescuer’ position but will promote a growth promoting climate by offering an accepting and warming presence (Stewart and Joines; Rogers, 1961) (See Appendices, 3, 4, 57, 58). I have learnt the value of communicating my process within the group and to hear my peers share their processes (Rose, 2008). A memory I hold sincerely of when G initially encouraged the group to share what we may be experiencing, even if it is just a brief definition to help prevent any assumptions and help develop an understanding to the person’s process (Mearns and Thorne, 2007). I have experienced the value in this within the PPDG which has heightened my awareness promoting collaborative therapeutic relationships with my clients (ibid). Corey et al., (2016) argued that, ‘To empower the members of the groups by helping them to discover their inner resources’ (Corey, et al, 2016, pp.67-68) (See Appendices 13, 14, 15, 19, 20, 23, 27, 38, 40, 43, 44, 58, 59). Often this process allowed me to either feel disconnected or connected to the group depending on being able to speak up, take risks and peers doing so equally. Yolem (1970) found that, ‘To evolve into a social microcosm with subsequent interpersonal learning, the group must develop a freely interactive communication pattern (Yalom, 1970, p.87).

How I track my clients and my own feelings and reactions within the therapeutic work resembles my observations of peers and my own interactions within the PPDG (Rose, 2008). Etherington (2004) stated that, ‘It is through my body that, I understand people’ (Etherington, 2004, p. 212). This has also developed my understanding about how emotional distress can affect the body through physical responses and working closely with clients who suffer with anxiety I am more mindful of how clients mental turmoil can cause physical discomfort (Freeth, 2007). However, as a counsellor I must also be mindful of any assumptions and projections that, I may have about my client and how he or she may perceive me (Lago and Smith, 2010). Freeth (2007) argued that, ‘An objective assessment of a person’s mental state is only one apprehension of reality’ (Freeth, 2007. p.76).

Sharing my process with the group became an important part of my engaging, as I noticed the value in myself and each member gaining further insight, I became more confident in doing so, which is what I recognise in the how clients express feeling more confident and resilient. Furthermore, supports a growth promoting climate and myself recognising the importance of this in my counsellor role (See Appendices 6, 9, 12, 13, 14, 17, 19, 20, 23, 27, 30, 31, 32, 37, 39, 41, 44, 46, 48, 49, 55, 57, 58). For instance, in session eighteen, I reached out to C as they shared their process to the group (Rose, 2008) - I took a risk, and expressed to C how that felt for me. My Journal (2020) stated: ‘I feel that you have been really honest and I really appreciate it, I felt warmth towards you and the group, I felt that, it pulled me into the group again’ (See Appendix 58). Thus, offer a more open and honest relationship with myself and others, which promotes autonomy (Rogers, 1961) I link this to how I engage with my clients and whereby I feel most congruent, as I can openly bring myself into the work with focus on my client and the therapeutic relationship (Wosket, 2001). Similar moments arose with member K and T, where this engaging created a shift in me, the relationship and within the group dynamics(See Appendices 14, 29, 30, 44, 46, 48, 49).For instance in session with K about my insecurity, I took a risk, but felt our relationship was established and felt trust, this invited K to think about the relationship she has with me and although I took a risk of being rejected my need to be loved overrode this, which relates to ‘A securely attached child (a child who has been ‘mirrored to use Winnicott’s term) will have a working model of the world in which she herself is worthy of love and attention, others are expected to be responsive and reliable (at least in the absence of evidence to the contrary) and relationships with others are seen as rewarding and fun’ (Beckett and Taylor, 2016, p.57).I felt by sharing with the group was a healing experience and a great example of anti-oppressive practice. It felt powerful because I was heard and accepted and I had been holding onto this for some time, I link this to my practice and how to promote a climate therapeutic change. I agree with Rogers who stated that: ‘The more the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no professional front or personal façade, the greater likelihood that the client will grow in a constructive manner’ (Rogers, 1980, p. 116) (See Appendix 3, 47, 58).

However the example with C was particularly important to me - as I noticed my distance with C since we had conflict in the previous year’s which I felt was resolved but I had a sense that C may not have fully resolved these. Therefore, this interaction felt meaningful to me and as though all was now fully resolved and we could communicate which felt open and genuine which I think I secretly desired (Rowan, 1993). Listen to recording

Being open, I felt enabled all of us to be more genuine in our communications, ‘to come from behind the facades we ordinarily see’ (Rogers, 1995, p.17). Which gave me insight to the moments that arose, whereby I observed that, it seemed that I was hiding behind my shadow, also noticing this process in my peers, which links to Jungian psychology and how I make use of working with the ‘shadow’ within my counselling role (Jung, 1995). Additionally, also recognising any transference issues within the PPDG process, which is recognised in psychodynamic theory and helps identify with unconscious drivers (Jakobs, 2017). Yalom (1970) argued that: ‘transference distortion in the group must be understood both from individual psychodynamic and from group dynamic view’ (Yalom, 1970, p. 238). These experiences increased my understanding to the meanings of counter transference within my client work (Clarkson, 1998). Further valuable learning has been that it appears easy and natural to make assumptions if a person is not communicating his or her process, which I experienced within the PPDG process (See Appendix 22, 19, 20, 33, 59). My Journal (2020) stated: ‘she felt that everyone was part of the session and I did want to say: ‘How do you know?’ (See Appendix 59). I respected that this was their phenomenological perception (Moran, 2020), however it also appeared like an assumption and felt different from my position (See Appendix 59).This was a significant moment in my learning in how assumptions can become misleading that direct away from a person’s truth and create a fixed and rigid position when we are only considering our own reality and leave ourselves short to considering many more possibilities (Schneider, et al 2015). Within my counselling practice I am more mindful to respecting an individual’s truth and how assumptions can distort the reality of a person’s subjective truth which promotes the Humanistic principles and self-awareness which I links to the Johari window of the ‘hidden’ aspects when I am making sense of my clients worlds and how clients make sense of their worlds (Luft, 1984) (See Appendices 3, 19, 20, 33, 59). An example in my client work shows the difficulties and divides that assumptions can create in human experience (Braud and Anderson, 2007) (See Appendices 19, 20). Furthermore, it appeared that several peers struggled to connect to the process, W left and O, F, presented attendance issues (Rose, 2008). Without hearing the subjective truths of my peers, I made assumptions, which is natural to do, however, I have learnt within the PPDG experiences of implications this can bring and the minimised relational depth and the development of theoretical that a lack of expressing ourselves can create (see Appendices, 19, 20, 32, 59). I also noticed how sharing my thoughts and feelings and listening intently to my peers that I was brought closer of feeling and wanting to be part of the group which also enriched my relationships with peers where past PPDG experience influences the relationship in such a way that it became a barrier to connect in the here and now and experiencing taking a risk and sharing my warmth with C created a shift in our relationship and it appeared on the last session it may have been impacted the sub group as this now appeared less prominent (see Appendix ). Yalom (1970) argued that: ‘the curative factors are the primary agents of change’ (Yalom, 1970, p.8). I describe my process as ‘Restricting & Liberating’ (see Appendix 16). It created a healthy divide that appeared to me as detaching the subgroup (see Appendix (Moran, 2002) Thus, may have had the potential to bring the group closer, however external forces ended our group time prematurely.

My thoughts and feelings transcended through insight, bodily expressions, verbal and nonverbal communication and through noticing personal shifts within the group my willingness to be part of the group overrode everything that may have reduced my openness and ability to feel congruent. Rowan (2005) argued that, ‘To try to portray presence is not to be present’ (Rowan, 2005, p.12). I agree with Schneider, et al., (2015) that, ‘to be humble and not a single preposition so as to be in a position to learn more’ (Schneider, et al, 2015, p.312).

My PPDG learning will go a long way, not just into the next level of training or to a higher position within my career (BACP, 2019). I have been in private practice for the past year and work within a GP surgery, I see myself furthering my skills through workshops and I would like to continue to offer my services voluntarily at my counselling placement as I believe in altruism, which I link to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs(Psychology Today, 2020). A Hierarchy in of Self actualisation (Maslow, 2013) by having all my needs met and would like to give my services as a gift to help others achieve their best potential in the same way as what I feel I have (Cousins, 2014). Thus, enhance equality. However, my future is shaped by which direction I may choose, mostly it is about how I can be with others and the sense of peace I have within myself of an acceptance of who I am and the acceptance of others that I have even when our lived adversities may differ. For this reason, I see my future looking prosperous and also uncertain, as uncertainty is what we face each day and the I believe that the Humanistic Principles (See Appendix 3) have developed more richly within the PPDG process and the feeling of being grounded and my sense of self has strengthened (Schneider, et al, 2015) I am particularly drawn to unconditional positive regard as I feel this has particularly developed in such a way that it appears to be a part of my existence in how I accept myself and others unconditionally with positive regard and to respect others as individual My approach, my future plans I feel that, my relational skills and principles will continue to develop and my foundations are deeply embedded from which I will continue to develop and learn about myself and others whilst I devote my life too honouring human experience (Braud and Anderson, 2007). I agree with Schneider, et al., (2015) that, ‘to be humble and not a single preposition so as to be in a position to learn more’ (Schneider, et al, 2015, p.312).