A Letter of Self-Reflection and Farewell

Hi, I hope and your family are doing well. I have come to realize that you don't care about me anymore; therefore, I am thinking of moving on and letting you have a peaceful life. Also, I have realized that, of late, you have been doing some daily videos, which makes me believe that at least your mind is busy. Keep it up; you’re doing well. For some days, every time I think of texting you, something keeps holding me back, which I believe is self-respect and self-love. I actually care and love myself. I have also come to realize that, since we met, I have been trusting you a lot. You always take me for granted and even do things that annoy me the same way I annoy you by breaking up with you most of the time. From the time we spend together, I have learned a lot about you, though for now, I feel like moving on. I am therefore appealing to you that you will forgive me someday. Though most relationships usually have tough times and arguments, for the last couple of weeks, you could have understood that I have been having difficult times while trying to quit smoking and some severe mood swings.

From my perspective, I have come to realize that you are always acting so carelessly towards me as if I cheated on you. However, in my life, I’ve never been that horrible to you. I can’t also remember any instance where I acted carelessly towards you or said that I don't care about you. Therefore, this makes me doubt your love for me when you say that you actually don’t care. For now, I feel hopeless and emotionally tired; therefore, I'll be leaving you alone for good. From your reaction, I am confident that all that you want. I’m tired of being hurt and crying over you all the time. It fucking hurts, which I you doubt I'll ever understand. Yes, I say things out of frustration and anger because I'm always thinking about you and looking for ways to make you happy because that's what matters to me the most; however, you never understand me. For now, I believe that I have been able to manage stress successfully before, therefore regardless of how stressful it would be, I am sure that I would survive this time, too, although I'm sorry for annoying you, hurting you. Though regardless of my plans to move on, I am still caring for you.

Last time, you told me to look for someone else knowing that I made a promise never to leave you and be with someone else, and you ignored. Therefore, I suggest that this time when you finally realize that things are not on your side, don't try to justify or even explain yourself to me. You don't love me, and you never did. You lied to me and utterly destroyed me. Unfortunately, I have to be heartbroken and be alone all over again. For now, with all the emotions and stress you have made me go through, I don't see the importance of communication between us; therefore, you can go ahead and block me now. However, remember, I deserve a better life than what I lived with you, and I am not chasing after you again. However, I regret that, during that period, I’ve lost people in my life and lost myself because of you. Although I don’t regret loving you for a second. Also, I don’t give a fuck about the world either. The world has taught me to be hard-hearted.

From the beginning, I chose to love you, and I really loved you more than anything and anyone. I chose you over myself, instead of taking time and energy out for myself to make sure that my needs were being met. I just focused entirely on you, family, studies, and work also. I still think about you every second. However, for now, you can be with anyone you like, my heart will heal with time. However, I assure you that they will never love you as I did. It is so unfortunate that every piece of me aches for you. I’ve never felt like that about anyone before. I miss you daily, mainly when I review our earlier conversation. For now, I’m just scared and upset to start a conversation first because you no longer care, love, or have any respect for me. You won’t see me for a while. I’m sure you’re overjoyed about that since it gives you enough time to forget me about me completely. I'll always love you, but I'll not let anyone disrespect me. You’re damn right about not caring about me as I can clearly see that now. Thank you for everything. Stay at home and stay safe and healthy.

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