Contemplations on Intervention and Social Responsibility

Carl 00.09

Hi, my name is Carl. I’m not a counsellor but I’m participating training program to be a counsellor.

And whatever you feel like talking about today, that’s fine.

So, whatever you would like to say just lead on.

R 00.26

I was thinking on the way over here, I was kind of recking the brain thinking of things to talk about erm I was walking down the street and something happened, like there was a bunch of kids, who are walking to school and like I wouldn’t of paid them any notice but all of a sudden I court out of the corner of my eye, one kid snatched a donut or something off the other kid. I think he took a bite off it and gave it back and the other kid has thrown it at him and launched it at him and started shouting and they were having an argument and I took my headphones out so I could listen to what they were saying about it and it was sounded like it was a bunch of kids just full on teasing the one kid who like you know it was clearly like to me a bit younger a bit smaller. I was walking passed and thinking to myself should I intervene here for saying something should I do something all this and kind of in the event I ended up just walked passed and I couldn’t really come with any response and then later on I saw this kid running off and he seemed okay but I guess that left me feeling just a little bit down and that sense of like that there actually there had been times things that had happened were like I had witnessed something in the streets or whatever and perhaps my response I don’t have knolwdge what to do or should I intervene should I not or ye know what ever and again I didn’t necessarily feel very satisfied with myself to my response after wards I felt perhaps a little bit I should have done something or said something which I don’t know

Carl 02.04

Did that relate to you personally in some way?

R 02.06

I mean it made me think of it other times, when I’ve been in the street and stuff like that has happened but it did also make me think of when I was a kid and I can remember being teased and bullied and stuff I remember being like at least one time being followed home by other kids and, and all of this and just like. I’m not sure what response I would have wanted from anyone else around the time and I remember one time this kid had followed me home or whatever and like he was kicking my ankles or something like that and I think there was a lady, just shouting “oh you kid” or “leave him alone”.I think that sort of thing and I think that’s kind of what made me think of my own experience a bit unpleasant at times.

Carl 02.58

Do you feel as though when this was happening today did it take you back to them times or did it allow you to remember them?

R 03.10

I mean definitely when that happened that kind of a memory that came to my mind quiet quickly like it was a kind of bounding straight, I recognise this a bit from obviously being high like.

Carl 03.27

Would you say situations like that were triggers for you take you back to them times?

R 03.31

I mean I think

Carl 03.36

Has anything happened before when you have seen something like that and you have regressed back to them times?

R 03.43

I do think in general that, I know some of my experience of stuff like that is kind of the situation where I see something I feel a certain way ill have a memory of ye know perhaps from a time when I felt similar and that’s know just seeing that one example that’s the one thing that came to my mind when I was a kid and I was myself sort of getting teased and bullied and stuff but then on the other side of it, there have been times when I’ve been walking down the street and erm witnessed people being ye know abusive to each other ye know racially abusive a couple of times ye know break up fights and stuff that and so I guess a lot of different memory’s come back all of them a little bit unsettling and a little bit kind of unnerving and stressful.

Carl 04.37

The error, I might be wrong as well, but what I’m getting from you there, is that when you see these kids bullying the other kid that took you back to a time when you was bullied but then some times when you see altercations in the street it reminds you of things but it hasn’t been specific maybe would you say it was specific to you when you see them bullying and it took you back to when you were being bullied or.

R 05.11

I mean I think the main thing that I felt uncomfortable with was obviously there was that memory going back to times when I’ve been bullied or teased as a kid but the main thing that sort of I felt uncomfortable with was just not knowing how to respond and not necessarily feeling that satisfied with my response or lack of response or, or whatever and just that sense of there being times when I have been in the past that were like even just walking down the street that can feel just a little bit stressful because all of a sudden something has just happened and it is quiet stressful where I was a kid and there was some kids bullying me or if it is just like something through something else and it’s just happened and it’s kind of.

Carl 06.01

You know if I said a word ‘bullied’ does that bring any memories just then when I said it did it bring any memory up for you or any thing

R 06.12

I mean There were times at school when I was bullied and when I think it to myself like my way of kind of dealing with that was in a sense I know kids who were bullied more seriously than I was for me like I tended I came a point where I accepted as long as you don’t respond you know that tends to go away or sometimes there are other times when I would laugh along with the joke or whatever or there were definitely times when I felt pretty uncomfortable pretty error yes it was like quiet upsetting.

Carl 06.59

Sorry I’m just trying to I don’t know if you know you told me a lot there and I’m just trying to process it myself really that’s why I’m like this just you mean you say you either play along with it or ignore it and hope it goes away err they just sound like coping mechanisms do you think they were your coping mechanisms at the time

R 07.23

Ye absolutely they were, and like, I think back to times like that when I’ve been bullied and I’m trying, like trying, to figure out cause obviouslyI’m thinking to myself, like oh yes, know this is unpleasant and I want this to stop, I don’t want this to be going on, but like, there would be times when, it is like, you know it would feel like ye know, no matter what I say or what I do like it’s going to come back round or there things like there’s always like there’s not necessarily a safe way out of it like I felt not necessarily kind of know ye the appropriate kind of response there and I guess ye know the strategy I tried out and then kind of found worked hit the point of the aim was just ignoring people or for error I guess like just not letting that sort of thing upset me a little bit and certainly I know speaking of it abstractly when people are bullied being bullied the sense of like actually what they’re looking for and it is like a response and the stronger the response the better really but error but yes in terms of what you were saying coping strategies absolutely what that is just a way to get through.

Carl 08.40

Just a way of getting past it

R 08.43

Yes a sense of like wanting that to be done and over and yes not have to worry about it anymore.

Carl 08.51

What the error would you put any names to these situations or specific people or that you can remember that you were glad to get away from or were hoping to pass around till the next time that you actually focused on or just in general a lot of people in general.

R 09.14

I mean I can’t, I’m trying to think of specific people or specific times. There are very few clear memories coming through and I mean certainly from the age of may be like 13 upwards and 14 upwards. These things started to go away a little bit about the other stuff that kids think up error. I can remember times when I was teased about my weight because my weight was kind of up and down times. I was always a bit kind of nerdy I was always quiet smart at school and got good grades and stuff and there was always stuff like that I was wearing glasses and braces in many ways, there were times I was just made aware of being a bit awkward and dorky ‘laugh’ error yes specific times and specific people, I could probably picture a couple of people it was so long ago I’m not sure I can hold it.

Carl 10.21

Two things have come to mind, there just as you was speaking again when you say that today you walked past it and you felt uncomfortable but you just walked passed it and got through that and when you were relating back to your childhood about error coping mechanisms and there was to get past it keep your head down get through it.

R 10.42

Yes I noticed that as well.

Carl 10.44

I’m just relating the two there and maybe these are ye know your still using the same coping mechanisms

R 10.52

Yes, I think that is probably quite likely ‘laugh’ and actually, keep your head down and just sort of ignore it and it will go away sort of don’t know if that’s the word

Carl 11.03

Just going back to say how it made you feel err do you think maybe back when you were at school you wanted to do something different.

R 11.14

I mean not really know it is kind of in a way I was always perfectly satisfied with my responses and the fact that actually you know as coping strategy it worked pretty well for ignoring things and they will go away.

Carl 11.34

How do you feel you have carried that through with your life though do you tend would you say it’s a coping strategy that you use in other situations?

R 11.42

Absolutely and definitely, that sense of just sort of like if something stressful or upsetting or whatever just sort of you know not necessarily engaging with it just sort of shutting it out a little bit.

Carl 11.55

How in general does that how in general does that happen what can you think of any situations stressful situations where you have shut them out or its bothered you or

R 12.07

I’m trying to think of examples, where I can remember the one that comes to mind is I can remember breaking up with a girl when I was like seventeen or eighteen and I found out, she had been cheating on me and like my response to that I mean besides from (I can see it all coming back now) the hurt and the anger and all this like my response was what I’m not going to talk to her anymore I’m just going to shut her out just ignore her and she will go away sort of thing that’s I guess the same sort of thing going on

Carl 12.40

Stressful

R 12.41

Ye, ye it wasn’t a relaxing thing (laugh)

Carl 12.48

Any others

R 12.49

Any others error

Carl 12.52

Professionally or

R 12.55

I mean there are times professionally when that can be quiet beneficial you know there are plenty of times in work were wee perhaps (inaudible) I’ve done customer service stuff someone comes in customer service and there shouting at you actually you know you’re not it’s not appropriate to respond and create necessarily so being able to actually kind of hold that and shut it out is just kind of deal with it professionally ye know and other times ye when I’m in work it is just a bit stressful well like actually I still want to get through the day its actually quite useful to be able to kind of ignore the stressful thing and just get on so it is not always a bad thing I don’t think

Carl 13.36

Do you think other than sort of like the bullying situations, just you know you’ve recounted, I’ve just asked you that and you’ve recounted a few things to me there about that it’s a coping mechanism that you use not just with bullying but with relationships and professionally then only it is better for you to shut things out rather than confront them

R 13.58

Carl 13.59

How would you, would you say that was a statement or would you say I was wrong or

R 14.04

No, no, I think that is absolutely right. I’m a little bit surprised of how we’ve kind of come around and have gone to that as its not necessarily what I was expecting to be talking about its kind of not a bad thing its actually interesting how

Carl 14.17

It is good to think about things

R 14.19

You sort of see things playing out but in different situations and sort of echoes of it like at different times and it iss interesting to think about and it is something that I am genuinely thinking about on the course and in PD and in my own personal counselling and stuff like that

Carl 14.41

How would you do, is it something you’re comfortable with

R 14.47

How do you mean

Carl 14.49

By the way that you err it’s a coping mechanism that you use are you comfortable using it

R 14.56

I think

Carl 14.58

Do you wish you could do things differently or?

R 15.01

I thinks it’s like I think I would prefer at times to have the choice like cause that’s an automatic response very much like you know that’s my go to thing but there are other times when I am sure that, it is not the right response and actually I would prefer to be able to choose between like different responses I guess

Carl 15.15023

Why don’t you think you can’t choose?

R 15.26

I think in one sense I can choose but, but that you know it is about picking a strategy of blocking things out and it iss like as we discussed it goes back so far. It is so automatic now that like ye that’s kind of where I go quickly so in a way it would be quiet nice to get out of that habit a little bit at least some of the time.

Carl 15.54

We’ve really gone along quiet a journey there haven’t we and all that from just walking past a kid who stole a bite.

R 16.02

Laughter

Carl 16.02