Exploring Adoption Across Races

Interviewer

Hi, as you already know, I am conducting a study on the experience of being adopted by different race parents. First of all, I would like to assure you that this conversation is strictly confidential; any personal information you provide will stay between us. Also, adoption can be a sensitive subject if you ever feel uncomfortable and you wish to withdraw, you may do so at any point. An interview will last approximately 30min. If you do not mind it will be recorded for the data analysis purposes. Do you have any question? Are you happy to proceed?

Respondent: Yes, we can start [kindly smiles] (Commentary: We discussed all this previously but I had to debrief him again as per the ethical procedure. It is a good way to make the participant feel comfortable in taking part)
 Interviewer: 1.a. What is your earliest memory of understanding that you are adopted? Respondent: I am not very sure, but, possibly, around the time I started going to school [short pause]. Because, prior to that, I have no memories about thinking about my roots [pause again]. And, I don’t remember the day my parents told me that but I feel like I always knew that I was adopted. I mean it is pretty obvious [smiles].You look in the mirror and you can see that you don’t look like your parents. But, I feel like I started understanding it better when I started going to school, because, obviously, everyone was telling me that I look different than them.

(Commentary: This question was asked to provide the background information about his experience, to know if he can remember his adoption process and to get slight understanding of how he is feeling about it. This information was important before moving on. From the very beginning he was very calm and open). Interviewer: 2.a Have you ever felt that your adoptive family isn’t actually your family? Respondent: No.. Definitely not… [very confident] To be honest, adoption is a very interesting topic even for me. And, you know, I have been watching a lot of documentaries about adopted people but I can’t relate myself or my story to them [seems surprised himself]. In all the documentaries, people are trying to find their biological parents because, probably, they could be missing something in their lives. Something is holding them back, they cannot move on. But I don’t feel like this at all... I don’t feel like I am missing anything. So...

(Commentary: This answer shows that he is feeling very positive about his adoptive family. Apart from this, he provides important information about his overall experience. Adoption does not seem to be a sensitive topic for the participant). Interviewer: 2.b How do you feel about your adopted parents? Respondent: I mean, for me my adoptive parents are my real parents. So I guess I feel about them exactly the same way as any other person feels about his parents. I love them, they are the best parents in the world [smiles] Interviewer: 2.c Do you think you resemble your parents? Respondent: Yeah..! [seems very happy about the question] I got so many things from my dad; even my girlfriend told me that I am just like my dad. She said that even our jokes are similar [smiles] and in general, we have a lot of things in common. And even my mom, for example, she is suffering from asthma since a very young age, just like me. Which is funny right? We don’t share the same blood but share the same disease. In general, maybe we don’t share the same blood or look the same, but we are similar in many ways. My family is like a real biological family…[long pause] And going back to the previous question, if I ever felt that my adoptive family isn’t my actual family, actually, I think that my family is stronger than some, let’s say, real families, in terms of having biological kids (makes himself clear). For example, my cousin is not talking to his mum for the last 6-7 years because of some family problems. Now, their family is split into two sides and one side of the family is not talking to the other and the other way around. You know what I mean. And when I look at my family, I really think we are stronger.

(Commentary: The responded seem to be happy about his adoptive family. He gave me an understanding that he does not feel adapted. I will come back to the adoption topic later) Interviewer: 2.d Have you ever felt a need to know about or meet your biological parents? Respondent: No... In my birth certificate and some other kind of documents, I have my real Korean name [seems very proud] and a little bit information why I got into the orphanage. That is the only information I ever needed to know. Apparently, I was a baby from a guy who …. [stops for a second] a woman got pregnant from a guy who was married to another woman, so obviously, I was born in cheating relationships [laughs] So maybe that is the main reason why I never thought about looking for them. Since I knew this, I said to myself that ‘obviously there is no point to try to look for them’. And even before, I did not want to, so... But compared to my sister,

yeah.. she has a bit more problems in her life and I think she is trying to find a reason why she has so many problems so…[pause] Sometimes, just to annoy my mom, she says that she wants to find her biological parents, but... (Commentary: I decided to ask about his biological parents because he touched this topic himself earlier. He spoke openly and provided some very personal information why he got into the orphanage. He seemed to be absolutely fine to talk about it and even laughed. However, he got a little bit emotional when talking about his sister, thus, I decided to move on to the easier topic) Interviewer: 2.e But, do you talk about your roots with your parents? Respondent: Yeah! Of course [very positive]. But the main question for me always was why they have decided to adopt a baby from the other side of the world. They told me that 30 years ago, in the mid-80s, it was possible to adopt a new-born baby from South Korea, but if they wanted to adopt French kid he would be at least 6 years old. And, because they wanted to have a baby they decided to adopt from SEOL. And, probably because they got me as a three months old baby, I never felt as I am not their real child or that I am adopted. (Commentary: I was interested to know whether they talk about his adoption and roots as a family or it is something that he likes to keep for himself. Because, from the previous readings I learnt that some people do not like to talk about it with their adoptive parents in particular)

Interviewer: 3.a You have mentioned earlier about other kids and school, I would like to hear a little bit more about that. What was school like for you? Respondent: It was pretty normal. I grew up in the small town, if I remember well it was only me and one more Asian kid in school, at least at the same level, so the only one thing is that everyone knew me. Which is not always a good thing [giggles]. But I was a good kid, so.. Overall I was surrounded by kids from different races including Black, White, Mixed Raced, Indian. France is a very multi-cultural country. But not that many Koreans in my town, so yeah.. Everyone knew who I was… [giggles again]

Commentary: School can be difficult for adoptees, thus I wanted to know about his experience. He seemed very relaxed when talking about it Interviewer: 3.b Have other kids in school made you felt bad or uncomfortable because you have a different appearance? Respondent: Not really… but.. [long pause] Not really actually. Kids love to make fun of Asian people in general. The only thing I remember they would pull at their eyes as pretending to be me [laughs]. But this was more like in

Respondent: Not really… but.. [long pause] Not really actually. Kids love to make fun of Asian people in general. The only thing I remember they would pull at their eyes as pretending to be me [laughs]. But this was more like in kindergarten and I never got offended anyway. Honestly, it has never affected me. Actually later, let’s say in high school, I was one of the cool kids who always had many friends. I had good style and used to wear rare sneakers. So actually others used to copy me [laughs]. (Commentary: He admits the fact that kids sometimes made fun of him. Because of the long pause, I felt that he might not be totally honest. Thus, I decided to ask an additional question)

Interviewer: 3.c Did you suffer from any kind of label, as a result of being Asian? Respondent: No [very confident]. It just made me more special for myself. I was kind of the only. And that is how I decided to see myself, as special. (Commentary: The response confirms his previous answer. It seems that even if there was some sort of bulling/making fun of it did not result in any label) Interviewer: 4.a So how do you identify yourself? Respondent: [very serious] Actually, a lot of people ask me this question. For me I am.. I am telling everyone that I am 100% French. (Commentary: The response shows that the respondent is not very happy about this topic) Interviewer: 4.b So, you don’t feel Korean? Respondent: No, I don’t feel Korean. Simply because as I mentioned earlier I got adopted as a baby so it the same as if I was born in France. As well, I don’t speak the language, I don’t know my biological parents and I never wanted to know them. My adoptive parents gave me everything like for their real child, maybe even more. They had to fight to get me, so... And for them as well you know… When I grew up I started asking a lot of questions about my adoption, because as a child I didn't really care and I don’t know how to explain this but.. [long pause] they tell me all those stories how I was adopted, show me pictures from when I was still in the orphanage but at the end of the day I am their kid. It is like I have their blood and the adoption process is equal for pregnancy for a normal mother. This is the thing. And I know, it sounds a little bit like a cliché, but it is really like a real family for me, as well as for my parents, so... I never saw a difference between my friends family or any other family.. And I never had to question myself about it. (Commentary: I asked this question to understand to what extent he feels Korean. He admits that he does not feel Korean and starts to explain himself; as if he has to justify himself. I moved to the following question to further explore his Korean side)

Obviously your first language is French, but have you ever thought about learning Korean language ? Respondent: So.. [ long pause] I moved to London 5 years ago and I remember how difficult it was for me to speak in English even though I was learning it from a very young age. The Korean language is difficult and it takes a lot of time and energy to learn it. I am going to turn 35 this year, thus, I truly think it is a bit too late. I mean, I would love to, but, I should have started it 15 years ago not now. It is too late… [nostalgic] Some people say that it is never too late, but with my job and lifestyle… [pause]. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough free time. But yes, actually it would be interesting to know at least the basics of the language. Interviewer: 3.d So do you regret for not learning it as a kid? Respondent: (shot pause, he giggles). To be honest, no. Actually, I regret for not learning fluent English earlier. But yeah.. (Commentary: In the previous answer, the respondent admits that it would be interesting to know the language, thus, I asked if he regrets not learning it. However, from his answer, it looks like that to know the Korean language is not a priority for him)
 Interviewer: 4.e. Would you like to go to Korea one day? Respondent: Yeah.. [nostalgic] You know the main reason why I never went there is that I was waiting to be matured enough and to see it with different eyes. Actually, I think that for the last 3-4 years I am ready, but I just don’t have enough time to plan it. I travel a lot for work you see...

(Commentary: I asked this question to see if he is interested in the country he is coming form in general) Interviewer: 4.d Do you enjoy Korean food, music? Respondent: Yes, I actually do enjoy Korean food, but I definitely don’t like Korean music. All this ‘Kape of’ movement, which is actually very big all around the world, I don’t know.. I just don’t like it. I guess the fact that I have Korean blood does not mean that I have to love everything about the culture (laughs). So yes, I love the food, but I don’t like the music. (Commentary: From the respondents answer it is evident that he has knowledge about Korean culture) Interviewer: 4.c. In general, how has being adopted by different race family affected your identity as an adult, if at all? [very long pause, I had to clarify the question] Have you ever struggled to identify yourself? Respondent: Like I said earlier, I took everything life gave me as a gift not as a struggle. Being raised by different race parents had no effect on my identity. I am who I am.

(Commentary: Since respondent mentioned the fact that he took everything life gave him as a gift I decided to come to the topic of adoption) Interviewer: 5.a In general, what do you think of the fact of being adopted? Respondent: [takes long pause before answering] That’s the thing no. Obviously, when I look at myself in the mirror I see that I’m from Korea . But in my everyday life I never really think about it. I guess I kind of forget about that sometimes [giggles] Interviewer: 5.b Do you talk about your adoption with other people?

Respondent: Yes, of course, if somebody is asking me something. But at the same time for me, it is not something that you say without being asked. Some people love to play a victim and talk about their adoption so that other people would feel sorry for them. But I am happy in my life so if I am talking it is just because someone is asking me something, you know.. As well, I have few friends who are adopted too, similar to me, they are happy in their lives and they never really talk about it. 
 (Commentary: I ask this question to see if he talks about his adoption to other people) Interviewer: 5.c But do you mind talking about it? Respondent: No, no! I never had any problem to talk about my adoption. You know what, actually I have noticed that it is a perfect way to meet people. For example, almost every time I get into Uber the very question from the driver is ‘But where are you from? You sound French but you look Asian?’... Thus, actually, it is a very good way to start a discussion [smiles]. And, I am proud of this you know... I never talk about adoption in a bad way, I am never annoyed and never bored to talk about it. I am proud of the fact that I was born in Korea but grew up in France and now I live in London. So yes, I am pretty proud and my parents are too. Interviewer: 5.d In general, what are your thoughts on transracial adoption? Respondent: I think it makes sense for people to adopt children from other countries. Like, in my situation, back in the 80s, South Korea was a very poor

country and many babies were given a chance to a good life thanks to transracial adoption. All of these adoptive parents save babies from the opposite side of the world. So yeah... I think it is just beautiful [smiles], like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, they have adopted four kids from Cambodia, Vietnam, Ethiopia, Namibia. When I saw this few years ago it made me so happy… I really think this is beautiful. And myself, I am the perfect example of transracial adoption and that it is a positive thing. One more interesting thing about my family is that my mom is now married a second time to a man who has black mixed raced son. During the wedding we took a family picture and it looks amazing… [seems very happy] two Asians, my sister and me, Black mixed raced stepbrother and White parents. This is a perfect example of living all together and loving each other no matter of skin colour. Being a family full of different races is just beautiful. (Commentary: This question was asked to conclude his perception on transracial adoption. Answer shows that the participant is feeling positive about it and he even sees it as a way to save babies of the poor countries) Interviewer: Thank you very much for you time today. It was a pleasure to interview you. Before we finish would you like to add anything?

Respondent: Yes, that I am happy. I am happy about everything that has happened to me. I am thankful for my life and my parents. The fact that I am adopted is definitely not a negative thing. It never was. And I know that adoption can be a difficult thing for some to deal with, even my own sister, but it is not necessary related to the race of adoptive parents. We shouldn’t focus only on a negative experience because not all of us are unhappy. I am proud and happy to be raised by different parents belonging to different races.

Continue your journey with our comprehensive guide to Exploring Acts that Challenge and Transform Governing Practices.